'SALEM'S LOT Scares Us!

This may be my favorite episode yet.  Stephen King's 'Salem's Lot is one of my top three favorite novels, and Katya and I have a gay old time dissecting it metaphorically and literally, exploring why the vampires are sexy, scary, and something horribly in between.

To begin, here is me two winters ago, with my fabled copy of 'Salem's Lot ... with movie pictures (thanks Aunt Nancy!!!).

My hair was especially insane; Mr. Barlow, meanwhile, is quite bald.  The horror of hairlessness, I guess.

I posted the pictures themselves a few weeks ago, but heck ... it won't hurt you to see them again . Imagine being seven.  And me.

His hands actually unnerved me more at the time than his freaky rodent teeth.

Katya hates Ben Mears; I had a giant crush on him, because of course I did.

Susan, you fool!  Bonnie Bedelia, meanwhile, is a pretty cool cat; I loved her in Needful Things and in Sordid Lives.  You owe yourself a checkout of that.

Ben and Mark explore the Marsten House ... and their forbidden love for each other.  First I gotta stake my old girlfriend; hold on a sec.

See?  Barney MacFadden ... total hot sauce!  Far hotter than ridiculous Fred Willard in shiny boxer shorts.

Barlow, the vampire!  Almost an afterthought.  And besides, everyone remembers the creepy floating kids.  Like this li'l rascal.

I LOVE THIS PHOTO.  This is the one that made me desperate to read the book.  And even moreso after my grandmother locked it in an attic and then burned it in a barrel ...

WHAT IS THAT GUNK COMING OUT OF HIS CHEST?!?  You can almost smell it.  I'll post a color photo; it looks like vanilla custard.

That last sentence makes me uncomfortable.

The copy we bought at the fabled, and now much lamented, Pamida in Sidney. These were the King paperbacks of my childhood, with that specific font with his name, and then the title in a variety of very bright colors.

The last two lines continue to make me uncomfortable.

The much, much, much, much truncated version that was my early Christmas present in 1987.

See?  Vanilla custard.

Marjorie Glick ... she's terrifying.  Look at all that gunk on her teeth!  But I guess she's good at causing erections when she chomps on innocent red-headed doctors who were just along for the ride.

So that's what happened to Susan.

Here's a few rarer shots from the 1979 film:

The very personification of meth.

Here's some more Barney MacFadden, just to prove how he cute he was:

And s'more Barlow, because, honestly, I like how he looks.  Would you rather Rutger Hauer?

A meme I made in 2007 before I knew what memes were.

And finally ... DON'T LOOK IN IN HIS EYES!!!

Darn it.  You looked.

You'll Enjoy Mr. Barlow ...

...and he'll enjoy you.

(New episode coming soon!)

RECORDED TONIGHT!!!! (We're back, betches!)

Katya is back and I'm back and we recorded tonight, capitalizing on A) of all, my love of vampires and B) of all, the recent Stephen King renaissance ... yes, kitty cats, we finally recorded about my favorite SK novel, 'Salem's Lot!  That episode is third in our queue (before Cannibal Cop and Gremlins!!!), so it'll be a few weeks before it sees the light of day.  In the meantime, enjoy 'Salem's Lot ... with movie pictures.

The Priestess of Blood Scares Us!

Lost!  Found!  The De-Losting!  Welcome to our lost episode!

I collect the various editions of the books I love, as we've mentioned; the Puffin Classics edition of Dracula, terrifying -- looks at those teeth; ALL HIS TEETH ARE FANGS FOR CHRISSAKES -- was my first.

And one of my first editions of The Wizard of Oz . This is actually a Disney adaptation that I had on cassette tape; I think I have the little record of it somewhere.

The British 'Salem's Lot ... with movie pictures!

The vampires of 30 Days of Night.

Before we enjoy vampy Josh Hartnett, let's enjoy hottie Josh Hartnett.

Some shirtless Josh Hartnett ...

... and some Penny Dreadful bisexual Josh Hartnett.

Aw, let's face it.  He's a hottie even as a vampire.

Yerba Buena itself.  Where have all the cultists gone?

Viracocha, the Incan creator god.

Will the real Magdalena Solis stand up?  And please stop killing people?

All hail Coatlicue!

The Monster in My Pocket Gang!

Vampire ...

Witch ...

Springheel Jack ...

And Coatlicue herself!

I owned both of the above comics when I was a kid.  I wonder where they went?

Countess Erzabet Bathory, the so-called Countess of Blood.  I don't know why I'd be so upset to learn that she was set-up by powerful and power-hungry dudes.  I guess I want to believe that she's an inhuman demon capable of murdering 550 girls because otherwise she loses her power ...?

Ingrid Pitt as Bathory in Hammer's Countess Dracula.

And Pitt's Bathory as she's lost face ... and everything else.

BLOOD SACRIFICE!!!

Was the Reverend Lowe of King's Cycle of the Werewolf a serial killer?  What do you think?

Barnabas Collins, killing people with his fangs.

And strangling the hell out of people, many of them women. That makes me feel kinda gross.

Movies floating around the zeitgeist at the time that Magdalena did her damn thang:

NOT Magdalena!  This is Dagmar Overbye!!!  BEWARE, BEWARE!  (Although she's probably not living next door to you; Magdalena very well may be.)